...that went... well...
At first I thought that I'd messed up completely, that I was just making things worse by trying to be romantic and take him out. At first I thought that he would get upset, maybe start yelling and lock himself in his room for the rest of the night, but...
I spent most of the day out of the apartment, screwing up my courage and thinking. Making sure that this was something that wasn't going to backfire. I'll be the first to admit that I'm fickle when it comes to relationships, and the last thing I want to do is hurt Ken-chan because of my own impulses. But the more I thought about it, the harder it was to deny that this was something just to kill time, ya know? I wanted him, I _want_ him, thinking about that kiss, the way he responded, the way he was kissing me back...
I called him to let him know that I hadn't skipped town or anything. The sun was setting by the time I returned home. I brought him a white rose and asked him to come out with me to a club that night, not really giving him a chance to say no before I dragged him out of the apartment.
It only took him a few drinks to loosen up, and before long we were having fun, laughing and enjoying ourselves as if that awkward stretch of time had never happened.
I can't remember the last time I felt so nervous. I can't remember the last time that I was so clumsy making a move on someone. There were many different instances when I could have kissed him or grabbed him or _something_, but each time I froze. I was... scared.
Suddenly he was leaning against me, whispering in my ear that he wanted to go home.
We stumbled back into the apartment around 1 or 2 in the morning, laughing at something that I can't remember now. He'd had a bit more than I did, so I helped him to his room without tripping too much, and we fell into bed together. Our situation didn't even register with me until I rolled onto my stomach and turned my head to face him a little better, and suddenly all I could smell was him.
( Suddenly our proximity in _his_ room, laying in _his_ bed hit me all at once.Collapse )
He's sleeping now, but I can't for some reason. Because, regardless, it still feels like a dream to me, and that worries me. I mean, yeah, it's great, I feel lightheaded and so deeply... content. But we're in dangerous territory now. I can't afford to slip up, I can't afford to be reckless.
As I've said before, I've only wanted to protect him from the very beginning.
If I mess this up, I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself.